Three Kings Ministries

EMPTY NESTS

All things were made by Him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. John 1:3

Don’t blink! This is the advice of one dear dad to his daughter when she gave birth to her first child.  In blinks—this is how fast the years go by.  One day there are diapers, the next the training wheels are off the bicycle, and next they are launching out into the world and leaving home.  College, work, marriage, relocation, and new relationships are factors that make for departures.  While these activities are expected to occur one day, the one day becomes personal and often comes too soon for the likes of parents who must now adjust to an empty nest.

Whether or not there are still other children and/or a spouse in the home, the absence of a child is a transition eventually made by all parents and siblings as well.  Natural brooders, moms are accustomed to having their young ones around.  Natural protectors, dads feel a steady pull to guard.  When these actions are curtailed, mom or dad can feel displaced—even in their own home!

When the nest changes and has been emptied of life as one knew it, the echoes of yesterday can be both rewarding and haunting.  Reminders of days overwhelmed with raising a child, an array of inimitable memories, and pangs due to silence all make for what can be an uncomfortable and emotional adjustment.  This is a time of grief.  Sorrow, loneliness, longing, guilt, regret, and even anger can show up.  It is worth recognizing that even happy departures are tinged with sorrow and grief.

While there is often joy in seeing young ones branch out on their own, the reality of these actions spurs feelings of loss.  To be needed and wanted are powerful human pulls.  When a parent no longer feels that same role is as full as before, grief can settle in.  Growing into a new identity and new expression of that role as mom, dad, sister or brother will be different.  However, it in no way minimizes the influence family members continue have on those who are no longer living at home.  In fact, bonds can grow stronger.  Distance will even offer the one who departed new insights and perspective.

Empty nests also come about due to tragic and untimely deaths of young people.  Such absences are grueling.  These losses are penetrating.  They can challenge marriages.  Often hope dies with a life shortened by homicide, suicide and substance abuse.  Unless someone has experienced tragic loss, it is impossible to know the depth of that grief.  Those who grieve young people snatched from life too soon are grievers who need tremendous support, great love, and much time to heal.
Empty nests can be a lifetime undercurrent of emotion for people who long to have children but cannot.  For some, the inability to have a family and participate in loving and raising a child can be an isolating experience.  One may learn to cope but sadness can strike when news of someone else’s child is announced, when someone else’s child celebrates a birthday, and when someone else’s child is deciding where to go to college.  As stated earlier, to be needed and wanted are powerful human pulls.

The warm news of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ is that hope ascended when He rose from the tomb.  That hope is everything.  Every ending in the life of a Christian has an inherent resurrection quality.  Jesus’ rise gave birth to hope that lives and outlasts every seen conclusion.  Christ’s rise is proof that all who die in Him shall live eternally.  But the glorious Good News is as optimistic for the earthly life as it is for knowing one’s eternal destination.  You see, in Jesus Christ everything rises again.  New buds of purpose spring up and the Lord transfers unique talents and personalities to new places and new faces.  He magnifies the influence of one on another; a magnification not possible if a nest was still occupied as before.

The Scripture above tells us that all things—not some—all things were made by the Lord.  This means there is purpose in all He creates that is seen and concealed.  Losses in life are painful as they come in different forms.  But if one rests in God’s promise to be with us always, that promise will not only uphold His saints as goodbyes are spoken but will equally uphold the hellos and beginnings that await.

Lord Jesus of Life, how much Your eyes have seen.  You are over the years of our lives to grant grace and strength to allow for remarkable and individual life tales that are our own.  Lord, comfort those who miss someone.  Give tender assurance that they are needed, wanted, and loved.  Assuage any doubts, regrets or longing with Your  presence that exudes hope and loving kindness.  In Thy Name, Amen.

ROOT SYSTEMS

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19

Several months ago a series of strong thunderstorms came through and did significant damage.  Wind and lightening were so severe that they uprooted trees; even old large trees were struck down and trunks fell across landscapes, roads, and houses.  After the storm passed, I went outside to survey the results.

The fall of these trees allowed their root systems to be exposed.  Close examination of the trunks revealed a multitude of dangling roots.  Thick, thin, short, and long, these roots protruded from the base and presented their connection to each other.  In the larger trees, the root attachments seemed larger only because the root systems themselves were more extensive and prolific.  However, root systems in younger trees were no less connected.  While younger roots did not yet possess the girth of their mature counterparts, connection to each other was obvious.  And essential.  Connections make growth possible.  So it goes with human roots and our connections.

Roots.  We each have them, and we create them.  Some of our roots are obvious; some are not.  Some roots are mature, seasoned, and life-giving.  Others are young, limp, and slow growing.  Some roots are diseased.  Whatever our root systems are, they link us to others, and they are a means by which the Lord uses to grow us more into the likeness of His Son, Jesus.

Personal growth occurs in an incremental, prolific, and purposeful fashion when life is rooted in God and Jesus.  Healthy roots make for flourishing that is easy to witness.  However, in God’s method of growth, in spite of weak or course roots—and sometimes because of them—growth still occurs.   Even if a root system appears as though it might stunt growth or choke it off completely, God uses it.  In God’s realm thriving is the plan.

Thriving and growing can be a particularly difficult truth to believe when a loved one dies or a significant change enters a life and grief takes hold.  The loss of a dear person who had a deep impact on us—for a good or for ill—is a loss that brings a host of emotional and sometimes physical challenges.  This is grief’s way.  An unwanted way for sure but an experience that is universal and so very human.  Inasmuch as grief is an experience we shall each encounter multiple times in our lives, it remains quite individual as no two people grieve the same, even those who mourn the same death.

People with whom we have been linked are people by whom we have been influenced.  Sometimes the influence is positive, sometimes negative.  Nevertheless, the Lord—in His merciful and life-giving way—uses each and every connection we have known to foster good.  Even the most difficult connections are transformed by the power of God through Jesus.  The best connections we have known remain alive and still offer nourishment because of the love of Jesus.  Trust that Christ is the center of your root system then you are assured of His transforming touch on every relationship you have known.

Being rooted and grounded in Christ’s love is to be surrounded by holy strength and guided by the Holy Spirit.   There is not another like you.  God loves you as no one else can or shall.  He created you and understands you as no one else does.  He understands you when you cannot understand yourself.  It is wise to remember this in seasons of grief; seasons when actions and feelings are unpredictable and often foreign.   Whatever kind of loss brought you to grieve, the Lord will walk with you through this valley-time. He will see you through.  He will never leave you.  He promised.

Lord of Life, You oversee the losses Your people suffer and share in the anguish of grief.  Be near to those who grieve for Your loving presence alone brings solace, healing, and companionship.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.